Grayson's Birth

5:40 am

I am ready to go to the hospital after staying the night with friends in Kenai, 100 miles away from home.  I have chosen to be induced 3 days after the baby's due date rather than driving all the way home and waiting any longer.

I know pitocin means reaching my goal of a "natural" birth more difficult, but I'm still determined to try.  We go to the hospital and I am 2.5-3 cm dilated, but the baby is too high to just break my water and let things happen on their own, so I get all hooked up.  I have to have antibiotics anyway for group B strep and we start the pitocin drip.  The doctor says it may take 3-5 hours to start working, but I know it won't because my body seems to just wait for the littlest hint of pitocin to start pulsing through my veins before it takes giving birth seriously.

Regular contractions begin within minutes.  Unlike my past inductions, these first contractions are mild and easy to deal with.  Surprisingly, the nurses let me order breakfast and eat.  I'm glad I won't have to starve through this labor.  Soon after, my friend and mother of 8, Nikki arrives to help me through labor.  She, myself and Ben talk and joke through the first few hours.

Then slowly the contractions begin getting more intense.  The doctor breaks my water, which was torture, and things begin moving faster. We turn off the TV and turn on the calming music we brought.  Ben and Nikki continue to talk between contractions, but I find it hard to focus on anything they are saying.   They are such a comfort to me though and I appreciate the understanding and experience Nikki brings.  They begin applying pressure to my hips and feet and holding my hand during contractions while I close my eyes and focus on the music.  I find special comfort in the pieces that I had played on the piano before as I can picture myself playing the music; a welcome distraction from the pain.

Then the contractions really start picking up and I can't help but make loud, moaning sounds through them.  The baby starts to stretch out, putting a lot of pressure on my ribs and I am in constant pain.  We remember the labor tub and decide to move there.  

The water feels so good, but the hard tub is a little awkward and uncomfortable.  The warmth of the water helps me relax somewhat and the contractions intensify again.  I am now vocalizing loudly through each contraction and falling into a sleep-like trance between them.  They check my progress and I am only 6 cm!  I know things will go quickly and with intensity from here on and I can no longer cope well.  I know I still have time for an epidural and my resolve fails.  

It takes half an hour plus to get enough fluids in my IV to administer the epidural, then we must drain the tub, get out, walk back to my room and wait for the epidural to be prepared and administered.  These are the most difficult contractions mentally.  I don't want to do it anymore, but have no choice.  I can not stand on my own whatsoever as the contractions come again and again regardless of what I am doing.  I am completely dependent on Ben.  He is my world.  I can not bear a single contraction without his hand in mine and he is there - watching, holding, comforting, loving - every step of the way.  I am so thankful.  

Then as I sat hunched over on the bed, waiting for relief, practically suffocating into a pillow as each contraction came, the doctor prepping my epidural answers his cell phone and proceeds to discuss salmon fishing and the proper test lines to use for fishing king salmon!  Ben puts his arm around me in an attempt to comfort me and the doctor throws his arm off me while still talking fish.  We are all horrified.  He finally asks to call his friend back and finally gives me relief as I sat on the brink of mental breakdown!

I lay down and let the warm numbness come over me as they check my progress again.  I am at 8 cm, but the doctor says she can stretch it to a 10 and I can begin pushing any time.  I can still feel the pain of each contraction in a triangle on my right side, but ask to rest for a few minutes to recover from the intensity of it all.  I don't regret the epidural, not one ounce.  I relish the relaxation that finally comes over me and feel ready to push soon after.

After 4 pushes, Grayson is born.

I look at him, I look at Ben and I am full of joy.